after one month a five days together, my dog was put to sleep yesterday. she had distemper, there was nothing the doctors could do. i took her to the vet yesterday morning because she was partially paralyzed and foaming at the mouth. i feared it was rabies. but she had gotten her shot two week earlier. it couldn’t be.
we rode together in the back of the car. she was wrapped in her favorite blanket and she wouldn’t move. she didn’t respond to her name anymore, i could tell she was scared. that was the last time i was with her.
the vet rushed her in for observation. after twenty minutes, she came out and told us it wasn’t rabies. when she said that, i was happy and overjoyed. soon we would be together in the living room playing tug of war and catch. i showed her a video of one of her seizures. she watched it carefully and said that the nurses drugged my poor puppy to control the seizures. the vet said the only way to know what she had was to do a blood test. they performed it. my dad and i waited outside for an hour and a half. finally the vet called us into a room.
she told us that everything was ok. that harmonee (my puppy) was a little dehydrated. they had put subcutaneous fluids to help her. i asked what was causing the seizures. the vet said she didn’t know, but she feared it was something really bad. she said there was a dog neurologist in irvine. she called him for any ideas.
the vet came back and told us that she probably had distemper. there was a minute of silence. finally my dad asked the dreaded question, “is it mortal?” the vet only nodded. “is there anything we can do?” the vet shook her head. “we can do a lot of test to see if she really has distemper. it’s a really hard disease to test for. but most likely she has it.” silence again. the thought was already creeping into my head. i was trying to fight it off. there was still a chance right? my eyes moistened with tears. “the only thing i would recommend is to put her to sleep.”
“put her to sleep” those words echoed in my mind. tears spilled down my cheeks. my dad nodded. i bit my sleeve. “we will take care of the body.” my dad agreed. the vet said she would get everything ready and get me a box of kleenex. before she left she asked me if i wanted to be there. i said no. as she opened the door, i asked her if i could keep the collar. she said yes.
my dad and i sat in the waiting area. he signed the death sentence and harmonee died on september 13, 2008. i didn’t get to say goodbye. after it was done, the vet came out and told me i had been a good owner. she returned to me the folder that contained harmonee’s adoption papers, vaccine records, and training handouts. she said she was sorry. i nodded. she gave me the collar. we left. i cried, i still cry.
i wear her collar as a bracelet. sometimes, i hear the jingling of her tags. then i think it was all a dream. that she is still running around the backyard, waiting for me to go an play with her.
she was less than five months old. i miss her. i’m not ashamed to say that i’m crying as i type this.
Goodbye harmonee. wait for me wherever you are. be a good girl and don’t forget me, i know i won’t forget you.
Harmonee
3/25/08 to 9/13/08
“i won’t let you fall away from me, you will never fade.” [from Oh Star, by Paramore]
I miss you and i love you
